Kokopelli's Mindwarp

Not To Shanshu In LA

2009-04-13T14:22:00.001-07:00

Didn't get in to Loyola Marymount in LA.
Still moving to LA with the gf, but going to be pursuing other avenues... namely being a working stiff of some sort.
Will be applying for UCLA's playwriting program for Fall of '10 and possibly a few other schools for similar programs.
I had more or less decided that I was alright with not going to school next year already, so this comes as no big surprise to me.

Krav Maga Pictures

2009-04-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

Posted some pictures from Krav Maga today on my facebook-
you can see them here @ http://tinyurl.com/crepoj

Also- more of my play coming soon.

Midterm Play Final Draft

2009-02-26T13:30:00.000-08:00

A Geek’s Tale

Setting:
A White Scrim is down leaving just a little bit of the stage available for action “The 5th Annual HijiNKS Ensue Experience” projected on the scrim in bright colors as well as a convention type scene. A mic is on a mic stand off stage left.
At Rise:
As the lights rise, the projected ‘Master of Ceremonies’ announces- “Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Fifth Annual HijiNKs Ensue Experience! Please welcome the creator of HijiNKs Ensue- Joel Watson!” A loud round of applause that tapes off only when Joel has taken the stage and is wandering around with a microphone saying “Thank you Thank You!”

Joel

Thank you! Thank you all so much! You guys have been great! I really appreciate all of the support I’ve received from you Fancy Bastards over the years. Without you all, there would be no HijiNKS Ensue, and I would be still working at Sportsworld, and I would never have realized my dream.
As most of you know, I started HijiNKS Ensue out of my apartment around 7 years ago. I had been working at a sporting goods store as a clerk when I decided to quit my job to focus exclusively on my comic. I hadn’t noticed before how much completely random stuff occurred in Texas that was both geek related and how much me and my friends were involved in the geekery that was around us. I’d been drawing off and on forever, it was not unusual for my friends to be hanging out while I just doodled around on my computer.
The Scrim projection changes from the HE Experience convention scene to Joel’s apartment. Instead of just a plain wall behind the couch where Josh is sitting playing Mirror’s Edge there is a projection within the projection of Joel’s apartment. In this projection is the things that Joel is drawing on his tablet. We see Josh sitting on the couch with a peanut butter jar on his belly ridge while he plays his video game. The projection shows Joel drawing Josh doing just that. When Joel is done, the picture matches real life. The Scrim goes back down and it is the HE Experience convention scene again.

Joel (Con’t)

Let me back up… my friends and I had always been doing geeky stuff, dressing up as members of the Evil League of Evil, having weird experiences… We hung out all the time, doing crazy shit and I took advantage of our shenanigans…
The projection for the HE Experience fades out as the comic and label appears
Except for any practical furniture which should be multifunctional- the scene should be portrayed with projected comic type drawings of the given scene-On the back wall above the backdrops is written-“In which the gang tries out for the Evil League of Evil”- The comic is projected on a scrim that is in front of the playing area- the comic consists of a backdrop with three panels- One a swirly blue color, One a dirty street scene, and one a Mexican wrestling ring. We see Joel in the left panel with “Macromancer” written above him, Josh in the middle panel with “Bear Arms” written above him- Josh is saying ‘Pride can be Deadly’ and in the final panel is Eli as “LoLuchador” he says ‘kthnxbye!’ As the lights go up, so does the scrim to reveal the comic sans people projected on the wall behind the characters.
At Rise:
Eli is wearing a pair of tight wrestling type nylon pants, a Mexican wrestler’s mask, and a championship belt that says ‘I Can Haz Cheeseburger’

Eli

Tell me again why I have to wear this getup? I feel … [Fingers his mask and tight wrestling pants] Exposed…

Josh

‘Cause Joss Whedon said he would include a fan’s submission video for the Evil League of Evil in the commentary of Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, and my friend lent me his camera for helping him on his porno shoot! And your costume isn’t any less revealing than what I wear on Saturday nights! So stop complaining or I’ll give you something even tighter!
He Sets Up the camera and checks the music for their submission song through the sound system

Besides, us gays are extremely creative and skilled in costuming and music writing… our submission is going to be the best of all of them.

Joel enters from the bathroom dressed in a swirly black cloak type thing, and carrying both his Macbook and has his iphone clipped to his belt. He sees Eli and breaks out into a raucous laugh.

Joel

Ah! Senor Eli! ¿Usted debe ser utilizado a tener bolas azules… porqué mirada tan incómoda? [You’re used to blue balls, why so uncomfortable looking?]

Eli

I hate you asshole.
[To Josh]
Why is HIS costume not so… constricting?

Josh

Because he didn’t have the body to be a Mexican Wrestler… and duh… you’re Mexican!

Eli

Racist assholes… you think… ‘Lets make the Mexican the wrestler!’ What if I wanted to be the Macromancer?

Josh

That’s what you get for having a mouth full of tacos when we’re picking roles… Now shut it and get ready. I’m going to go change.

Joel

[at Josh’s retreating back]
Shouldn’t we have gotten him some kittens for the LolCat aspect of his evilness?

Joel plays with his laptop, getting it to emit various sounds and projecting colors.
Eli adjusts himself in the pants and mask and plays with his championship belt- Still grumbling about his racially inspired costume and character
Josh returns, dressed in tight leather pants, leather studded straps crossing his chest crosswise, carrying an airsoft rifle painted black, an HRC sticker type tattoo on his left arm, he has shaved his beard into a friendly button chop style beard

Josh

No, because I’m allergic… for the billionth time. Alright, lets do this! The Evil League of Evil, here we come!

They all go and stand in front of their panel as the music swells.
The Scrim drops again and the HE Experience logo is projected upon the white scrim. The scene returns to the convention hall at the HE-Experience
Joel is continuing his story

Joel

I think the thing that just cemented my desire to quit my job and dedicate myself to the comic fulltime was when I finally realized that there was too much insanity in my life to not share it with the world

The lights fade down, and the projected scene changes to that of a sporting goods store. Above the counter it is written- “In which Joel realizes that his life is too crazy not to share” –before the characters enter the stage, we see the cartoon SCA nerds asking a cartoon Joel for a large number of racquet balls for their spears and arrows. The Scrim rises and we see the cartoon projected Sportsworld with Joel standing behind a counter reading a guitar magazine listening to Eli recount his evening of debauchery.
A bell rings as a couple of nerdy type guys (mouth breather types) enter, as the bell rings, Joel like one of Pavlov’s dogs perks up and is instantly the diligent employee.

Joel

Welcome to Sportsworld, can I help you find anything today?

SCA-Nerd 1: (nasally)

Umm.. yeah… We’re looking for something like ah uh tennis balls? Those are solid aren’t they?

Joel

No, they’re not solid.
Trying not to laugh at the SCA Nerds

SCA-Nerd 2

Well, we’re looking for rubber balls that are… y’know…

Joel

… Solid? (Finishing the sentence for Nerd 2)

SCA-Nerd 1

Exactly! Do you have anything like that?

Joel

We have racquet balls… I think they’re solid.

SCA-Nerd 2

Resplendent! Might we purchase a large number?

Joel Crosses SL to where the racquet balls are racked on shelves and returning behind the counter to ring up the SCANerds’ order.

Joel

You two big racquet ball players then? What’re all the balls for?

SCA-Nerd 1

Uh… no. We need them to put on the end of our spears and arrows.

Eli

Spears and arrows?

SCA-Nerd 2

Um… yeah!? For the SCA.

SCA- Nerd 2

Under his breath to Nerd 1
Losers don’t know anything…

Joel

While ringing up the nerd’s purchase
What in the blazing fire of Mordor is the SCA?

SCA-Nerd 1

The Society for Creative Anachronism. The Kingdom of Ansteorra?! Any of this sounding familiar? We’re members of the Barony of the Stargate. Highly ranked actually…

Eli

Ok, I’m going to stop you there… those things coming out of your mouth? I believe that they MIGHT be words, but they’re not words that make any sense to us normal people… so can you nerdlings get out your dork to human dictionary and tell us in REAL PEOPLE words what you mean? You go through the Stargate with Lt. Col. Carter….mmm sexy scientist military chick… and you need racquet balls to go on missions with SG1? Gonna throw them at the Goa’uld?

SCA-Nerd 2

Not Stargate, the BARONY of the Stargate, which is the local group we belong to within the SCA! The Society for Creative Anachronism, or SCA, is an organization of like-minded individuals who enjoy getting together and experiencing life as we believe it would have been in 17th Century Europe.

SCA-Nerd 1

We have people who are craftspeople, knights, nobility… basically anything that you think of.

SCA-Nerd 1

When I joined, I bound myself to a mistress who was a tent-maker, I learned the craft of tent making and moved my way up the ranks.
Currently…. I am a---

Eli

Hold on buddy. Bound yourself? Like BDSM shit? [To Joel] And you thought you had problems…. [back to Nerd] And really? Nobody here wants to listen to you talk about your Nerd-ville… We’re proper upstanding Geeks here, and we don’t have any tolerance for your type here. Now take your balls and leave.

SCA-Nerd 1

But….

Eli

Overdramatically
I Said LEAVE!

The nerds scramble out of the store, almost forgetting to bring out their purchase- Eli and Joel restrain themselves from laughing hysterically, bursting out when the nerds are off stage. The Scrim falls again and the HE Experience setting is projected again- Joel is still telling the story of the success of HE

Joel

So after I quit my job and had started gaining some sort of success with the webcomic, I had a party to celebrate finally turning a profit. I had hoped for a simple party, we could play some Wii sports, watch a shitty movie, and I was sure that most people would probably get drunk- but as with most of our parties, things descended into utter chaos pretty rapidly….

Setting:
On the Scrim it says: In which Joel throws a party. The Host’s Lament
In the comic we see Eli throwing a Wii controller through the plasma tv, Josh and Denise pouring their beer on the floor (really drunk) and a bloody stranger asking for hooker blood remover.
The scrim goes up.
At Rise:
Everyone is drinking, playing Wii sports, and spilling drinks on the floor which angers Joel who is frantically trying to clean up everyone’s messes. There are two or three guys sitting on the couch with their laptops networking them together for a sort of adhoc LAN party.

Joel

Everyone! Could you please manage to not spill everything on the floor?

As Joel turns away to get more paper towels, Denise and Josh start pouring their beer on the floor- they are VERY drunk

Denise

Drinky drinky floor, you’re VERY thirsty. Yes you are… drink my beer!

Josh

Oh… its alright. Its alright to drink the beer, we won’t tell anyone. Shhh…. Its good for you… we know you like it… here have some more. That’s it, that’s right!

Joel returns from his paper towel quest, finds them doing this and forces them to stop.

Joel

What the FRAK are you guys doing? Stop that!! God, you’re like children! Worse than Children! This has all happened before, this will all happen again… at least its not the apocalypse this time.
[To the LAN party guys]
Why didn’t you stop them?
[No Response]
Hello?
[Still no response]
Why do I even try?

Then he turns and bumps into a bloody stranger who is tugging at his cuffs and trying to wipe blood from his face

Joel

Uhm… Hi. You enjoying the party?

Bloody Stranger

Looks shifty and wrings hands together, trying to wipe off the blood
Yesh, yesh…. What do you have that gets hooker blood out?

Joel

[Frightened]
Uh… I’m not sure… are you a friend of Eli’s?
He looks frantically around for Eli who is nowhere in sight, but when he turns back, the bloody stranger is gone.

Joel (Con’t)

Weird…

Joel turns again and notices that Eli just threw a Wii controller through his flat screen.

Oh for the love of JoCo… what now? I cannot leave them alone… they’re like children. Really they are. This party was such a bad idea….

The lights fade out and the scrim goes down.
The HE Experience Cartoon background is projected again. Joel continues his story.

Joel

Even when things were more or less calm in my life, my friends could always be counted on to do something crazy that I could take advantage of.

HE Experience projection fades- “In which Eli writes fanmail to Battlestar Galactica” appears on the scrim before it goes up. The Setting is Joel’s apartment on any afternoon
At rise:
Joel is sitting on his couch playing his guitar. Eli is pawing through the mail

Joel

Hey Senor Eli. How’s it hanging?

Eli

Everything’s good, I got offered a job testing video games for Gearboxity- they pay me in Pizza! Has anything shown up for me here?

Joel

Uh nothing FOR you, but I have a “No Such address” that you sent to the Battlestar Galactica.

Eli

What? Give it here!
He grabs at the mail on the coffee table searching for his letter
They wouldn’t send it to the… wherever the fleet is?
I put like 5 stamps on it! They should be able to send it across the galaxy for that! What am I paying for if they won’t send my mail?!

Joel

You have GOT to be shitting me! You cannot have thought that you could send a letter to a FICTIONAL ship on a TV show!

Eli

But I’m not interested in what the actors have to say… I’m more interested in the characters! I wanted STARBUCK’S autograph, not Katee Sackhoff’s.

Joel

You DON’T want Katee Sackhoff’s autograph? I think Josh has been right about you all along… you are a member of his FAMILY…
But that still doesn’t explain why you were so stupid as to think that 5 stamps would constitute an intergalactic delivery fee.

Eli

The dude at the mail place…
Snaps his fingers, trying to come up with the right words

Joel

You mean the Post Office?

Eli

Yes! The postal office worker dude… he DID give me a weird look when I asked about how much it would cost… but I didn’t expect he’d rip me off! (It just dawned on him) Dude RIPPED ME OFF!!

Joel

Well, what did you expect? I bet it’s not every day that he gets someone in there trying to mail something to space. Remember when those SCA Nerds came into Sportsworld for their ‘resplendent balls’?

Eli

…yes… why?

Joel

In this instance- you are the SCA Nerd to the postal worker’s me.

Eli

You cannot be comparing me to those mouthbreathers!!!

Joel

If the pocket protector fits…

Eli

You know… sometimes I fucking hate you.

Joel

What did you write to them anyways?

Eli

Go ahead… read it for yourself. Laugh it up fuzzball.

Joel

Takes the letter from Eli, tears it open and retrieves the letter from the envelope- the paper even has the corners cut off like on Battlestar Galactica.
‘Dear Battlestar Galactica, you are the best show on television and you are my favorite show. When you find Earth, you should come to Dallas and hang out with me. I have an X-Box 360 and a PS3 and there are no Cylons- Cylon’s spelled incorrectly by the way. You spelled it S-I-L-O-N-S- Adama is cool, but Starbuck is cooler, and a girl.
Do you want to be friends? Circle Yes or No’
Are you some sort of retarded person? Not only did you try to mail a letter to a fictional ship on a tv show, instead of the set and characters itself, but your letter reads like something an elementary school student would write…
The lights fade, the scrim goes down and a comic comes up, it is Eli writing a letter on paper that has had the corners cut off (just like on Battlestar Galactica) in one panel, the next is Eli trying to discover how much postage he would need to mail it to the Colonial Fleet (he thinks 4 or 5 stamps). And the last panel is a close up of the envelope addressed to The Colonial Fleet in outer space. Instead of Joel’s address, the return address is ‘Eli, Dallas Texas Earth’ then an arrow with a note saying “Its real! I Live here!”
The HE Experience scene is projected on the scrim again as the comic fades away.

Joel

I was asked a year or so after the site went live to create an animated music video for Jonathan Coulton’s song “Re: Your Brains”- it was this music video that really cemented my position in online fame- such as it is.

The HE Experience Cartoon fades and the words “In which Jonathan Coulton is a Zombie trying to eat Joel”
The Scrim rises and we see a cartoon office with a door in the middle of the stage. JONATHAN COULTON is a Zombie with a guitar on one side of the door. Joel is hiding under a table. On the wall behind Jonathan Coulton we see animated Zombies and zombie Josh, Eli and Denise.

Jonathan Coulton (JoCo)- Sings

Heya, Tom' it’s Bob from the office down the hall
Good to see you, buddy; how’ve you been?
Thing have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
I really wish you’d let us in
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming

Denise Josh and Eli

All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable; I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here; maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
The Song continues with animated zombies dancing and chewing on furniture and dead bodies.
The Scrim goes back down to the HE Experience convention hall

Joel

After that music video came out, the site hits quadrupled, and my merchandise sales went through the roof. My fanbase now included not only my original Fancy Bastards, but now also some of Jonathan Coulton’s loyal fans were now rabid fans, demanding prints and tee shirts. The readers were clamoring for a venue where they could all come and meet me finally, and thus was born the HijiNKs Ensue Experience.
I hope to keep being able to bring the same geeky hilarity to all of my loyal fans for many years to come. So thanks for coming and have a fantastic time! Stick around because the one and only Jonathan Coulton is going to be performing here with Paul and Storm in just one hour!
Thanks again and …
[The Audience (Sound Cue) joins in with him in chanting]
“GODSPEED YOU FANCY BASTARDS!”
The Lights Fade Leaving the HE Experience Projection glowing faintly on the scrim

Bring JoCo to St. Louis

2009-02-07T08:15:00.000-08:00

View all St. Louis events at Eventful

Some more rewrites

2009-02-05T15:56:00.001-08:00

Sorry for a lack of formatting, I'm tired and busy.
As you can see, the play has transformed into something completely different than before, now it is going to be more a series of connected vignettes tied together with the comic strip of action.
My Advanced Playwriting Workshop class likes where its going, though I'm still having trouble getting the scenes to connect, or knowing where to start, or finish, or if there is going to be a major conflict throughout the play... Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Also: I don't have a title yet.

On with the show!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Setting:
A soundstage type set up in Joel’s living room, an expensive camera, lights, and sound system are on one side of the stage pointing towards a backdrop with three panels- One a swirly blue color, One a dirty street scene, and one a Mexican wrestling ring.
At Rise:
Eli is wearing a pair of tight wrestling type nylon pants, a Mexican wrestler’s mask, and a championship belt that says ‘I Can Haz Cheeseburger’
Josh is setting up a camera and testing signals and connections
Eli
Tell me again why I have to wear this getup? I feel … [Fingers his mask and tight wrestling pants] Exposed…
Josh
You’ll thank me when we’re on the Dvd extras for Dr Horrible! Joss Whedon said he would include a fan’s submission video for the Evil League of Evil in the commentary of Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, and my friend lent me his camera for helping him on his porno shoot!
[He Sets Up the camera and checks the music for their submission song through the sound system]
Besides, us gays are extremely creative and skilled in costuming and music writing… our submission is going to be the best of all of them.
Joel enters from the bathroom dressed in a swirly black cloak type thing, and carrying both his Macbook and has his iphone clipped to his belt. He sees Eli and breaks out into a raucous laugh.

Joel
Good god Eli! I think Lol Luchador is you, not the other way around. Way to go on these costumes Josh. Think we’ve got enough practice on the song?
Josh
Oh… I kinda thought we’d just use the voices on the tape… you guys are kinda… not good at singing… you guys can lipsync right?
Eli and Joel look at eachother quizzically and shrug.
Eli
How hard can it be?
Josh
Alright… I’m going to go put on my costume, you two… just… don’t touch anything.
Joel
[at Josh’s retreating back]
Hey! Its my apartment! … [After a moment’s thought and hearing the bathroom door open] Don’t destroy my bathroom!
Joel plays with his laptop, getting it to emit various sounds and projecting colors.
Eli adjusts himself in the pants and mask and plays with his championship belt
Josh returns, dressed in tight leather pants, leather studded straps crossing his chest crosswise, carrying an airsoft rifle painted black, an HRC sticker type tattoo on his left arm, he has shaved his beard into a friendly button chop style beard
Josh
Alright, lets do this! The Evil League of Evil, here we come!
They all go and stand in their respective stuff- the sign over Joel’s head reads “The Macromancer” Josh stands in the middle, his sign says “Bear Arms”, and Eli stands on the right, his sign says “Lol Luchador” The music starts to play and the lights fade out. As the lights fade out, the comic of this scene is projected on the back wall while the scene changes.
Setting:
Joel’s living room, it’s a party. Everyone is drinking, playing Wii sports, and spilling drinks on the floor which angers Joel who is frantically trying to clean up everyone’s messes.
Joel
Everyone! Could you please manage to not spill everything on the floor?
As Joel turns away to get more paper towels, Denise and Josh start pouring their beer on the floor, they are VERY VERY drunk.
Denise
Drinky drinky floor, you’re VERY thirsty. Yes you are… drink my beer!
Josh
Oh… its alright. Its alright to drink the beer, we won’t tell anyone
Joel returns from his paper towel quest, finds them doing this and forces them to stop. Then he turns and is confronted with a bloody stranger
Bloody Stranger
Yesh, yesh…. What do you have that gets hooker blood out?
Joel
[Frightened]
Uh… I’m not sure… are you a friend of Eli’s?
He looks frantically around for Eli who is nowhere in sight, but when he turns back, the bloody stranger is gone.
Joel (Con’t)
Weird…

The Setting:
Joel’s apartment, a large drawing table is center, there are stacks of papers everywhere, crumpled failed drawings, as well as successful completed strips which are tacked on the wall. On Stage Right is a Computer desk where Joel’s Mac and several microphones are set up, next to the table is his amp rack and his electric guitars and basses which have their own stands. Stage Left is a large comfortable yet worn couch.
At Rise:
Joel is sprawled on the couch, he looks disheveled, like he hasn’t slept well in a couple of days, on top of him is a large sketch pad and several crumpled pieces of paper. There is detritis of a few weeks’ lack of cleaning and takeout scattered over the floor and on virtually every flat surface. The doorbell rings- shocking Joel awake.
Joel
Startled, just waking up
Wha? Wasn’t sleeping!

Recognizes that there’s no one there, that it’s the door that woke him-Loudly yet groggily
Joel (Con’t)
I’m coming! I’m coming… hang on!
He crosses to the door Stage Left and opens it to reveal Eli, Denise, and Josh- they push past Joel and enter his apartment.
Eli
Good God Man! What have you been doing here? It smells like the inside of a gym locker that’s been left out in the sun for a couple weeks!
Joel
Well I’m sorry its not cleaner, I wasn’t exactly expecting visitors… I’ve been kinda busy.
Joel crosses back to his drawing table, seating himself behind it and chugging the contents of one of the open cans while looking frustrated at the interruption. He picks up a pencil and starts drawing again.
What’s going on?
Eli
Well since we hadn’t heard from you in weeks, we started getting worried. Well, Denise got worried, she was fretting something awful… I Told her that you were most likely ok…
Denise
I most certainly did NOT … He was the one who was all “oh no! what if Joel is hurt or lying in a ditch somewhere?”
Eli
Shut up I did not.
Josh
Aww Eli…I always knew that you had a thing for Joel!
[To no one in particular] Two more recruits and I get a toaster oven…
Josh locates a half eaten jar of peanut butter and some crackers. He plops on the couch, placing the peanut butter on a ridge of his belly, props his feet up and starts watching the tv and texting on his iPhone.
Denise
[Ignoring Josh] Despite what these two knuckleheads would have you believe, we were actually worried since we hadn’t heard from you. Is everything alright?

Joel
Yeah, everything’s fine, I’ve just been working on my comic.
Eli
We went by Sportsworld, manager says you left without notice three weeks ago! He never even gave you your last paycheck! What’s going on man? You quit your job?!
Joel
I couldn’t keep working there. I had to get out, work on something meaningful! Sportsworld was killing me, smothering my potential…
Josh
Around a mouthful of peanut butter and crackers
I can see that, you wanted to take control of your life, create your own destiny…make something meaningful out of your life!!!
Eli
[To Josh]God… You’re so gay!!!!
[To Joel] But what about your responsibilities? You’re always bitching about this or that or some such… what made you change your mind?
Joel
I figured I’d give myself a chance to prove to myself that I could make my life what I want it to be… I just… couldn’t stand working at that stupid store for ever if I never tried to make something out of my life, to do what I want! If I’m going to fail at life, I’d rather fail at doing something I’m passionate about than fail at being a minimum wage racquet ball jockey!

Denise
Well, show us what you’ve got at least. What’s your comic about?
Joel
I tried to turn all the shit I encountered at Sportsworld into a full length comic, but it became obvious that I didn’t have enough material, and I had no hope in getting it published at all, so I’ve decided to try to do an online comic, like a weekly type thing.
They move over towards his computer and Joel starts opening picture files. As he opens files, they are projected on the wall behind them.
Joel (Con’t)
And my time at Sportsworld had a couple things happen that I could write about, but for the most part I’m going to write jokes about things I find important, I mean, we all are proper upstanding geeks, and we like to talk all the time about things… I figured, I find us amusing, perhaps other people would think we’re as funny as I think we are…
I can’t explain it very well, just take a look. Its not a complete comic, but just an idea of something I’m thinking of using.
The file that Joel opens is one of a cartoon Josh sitting on the couch next to Joel, a peanut butter jar perched on his belly (as it is on the real life Josh sitting on the couch ignoring what is going on on Joel’s computer screen), eating crackers dipped in peanut butter. Eli and Denise see the picture, look over at Josh, look back at the computer, and shrug at eachother (its nothing new to them).
Denise
That’s really cool!
[Looks over at Josh]
You really captured the essence of Josh, with all of his … Joshness.
Josh gets up off the couch and crosses the stage to see what they’re talking about. He snorts in appreciation at the comic image of himself on the couch, and returns to the couch where he pulls out his iPhone and starts texting people.
Eli
And so true to life! Yet hilarious when seen in comic form. Let’s see what else you have…
Joel clicks through several more files, different poses of Josh, Eli, Joel, and Denise all show up on the projection.
Joel
Well anyway, that’s just a couple of my ideas. I figure that I write and draw the comics based on the geek related things in the world that occur, find a way to make it all about us, and put them up on my own website!
Eli
Sounds like you’ve got it all thought out… but how are you going to make money at this? Advertising?
Joel
Some, but I figured I could also design tee shirts and sell them through either an Etsy or Yahoo store.
[Pause]
Denise and Eli look at each other. Josh continues to eat peanut butter and crackers while texting on his phone.
Joel (Con’t)
Look guys, I don’t plan to become a millionaire doing this, but I figure, there is a market for this kind of stuff! I mean, how many times have you been on a forum somewhere and thought that someone said something funny, or that there was something funny about a news article?
There’s a market for just about anything out there, and since George Lucas can still make millions of dollars off of the franchise he ruined with the prequels and his internalized racism made external by Jar Jar Binks, I figure I can make enough money to live in Texas.
And if it takes off enough, I might be able to do a podcast or something where all of us can participate in talking about things we find amusing, or bad, or whatever!

Joel (Con’t)
We can talk about shitty movie night, and suggest shitty movies for people to watch, or … give suggestions as to what kind of movies to see… the sky is the limit with the internet and what you can do with it.
Josh
[Finally participating in the conversation]
What are you going to call it? Any ideas?
Joel
I was thinking of calling it ‘HijiNKS ENSUE’- the i’s and j lower case every thing else capitalized… that way there’s the three dots right in a row… with this font it looks awesome.
He brings up another file which is projected on the wall of the stage with the logo he’s designed.

HijiNKSENSUE play snippet REWRITE Part the 4th

2009-01-14T17:33:00.000-08:00

HijiNKS ENSUE
Sarah Wilson

The Setting:

Sportsworld, a sporting goods store, located in the southern coastal area of Texas

Characters:

Joel- a clerk at the sporting goods store who has to deal with the idiocy of the customers on a daily basis.
Eli- Joel’s best friend who’s constantly hanging out at the store, talking with Joel while he’s working, and passing judgement on the other customers
Denise- a girl Eli met at a party, the rare and elusive girl geek
Josh- A friend of Eli and Denise who works at Gearboxity with Denise, a big gamer
The lights come up on Joel, a shaggy haired kid in his late teens standing behind a counter, perusing a guitar magazine
A bell rings as a door opens, and in walks Eli SL who greets Joel

Eli

Yo Loser! You missed a HELL of a party yesterday… Josh was there and he had lots of … you know… inspiration. Might be just what you need to finally finish that comic you’ve been writing for what… since high school?

Joel

While I appreciate your attempts to (with finger quotes) “encourage” me to finish my GRAPHIC novel… I don’t think weed from some dude you just met at some party is the answer. I just… (Sighs) I dunno… I just need something to happen to me, something new … something less stupid and … Texan.

Eli

Dude… not another rant about how things suck in Texas…

The door opens again and a couple of nerdy type guys (mouth breather types) enter, as the bell rings, Joel like one of Pavlov’s dogs perks up and is instantly the diligent employee.

Joel

Welcome to Sportsworld, can I help you find anything today?

Nerd 1: (nasally)

Umm.. yeah… We’re looking for something like ah uh tennis balls? Those are solid aren’t they?

Joel

No, they’re not solid.

Giving Eli, who’s trying to stifle a raucous laugh, a “do you see what kind of idiots I have to deal with” look

Nerd 2

Well, we’re looking for rubber balls that are… y’know…

Joel

… Solid? (Finishing the sentence for Nerd 2)

Nerd 1

Exactly! Do you have anything like that?

Joel

We have racquet balls… I think they’re solid.

Nerd 2

Resplendent! Might we purchase a large number?

Joel Crosses SL to where the racquet balls are racked on shelves and returning behind the counter to ring up the Nerds’ order.

Joel

Do you two even PLAY racquet ball?

Nerd 1

Uh… no. We need them to put on the end of our spears and arrows.

Eli

Spears and arrows?

Nerd 2

Matter of Factly
Um… yeah!? For the SCA.

Under his breath to Nerd 1

Losers don’t know anything…

Joel

While ringing up the nerd’s purchase

What in the blazing fire of Mordor is the SCA?

Nerd 1

The Society for Creative Anachronism. The Kingdom of Ansteorra?! Any of this sounding familiar? We’re members of the Barony of the Stargate. Highly ranked actually…

Eli

Nerd 2

Nerd 1

We have people who are craftspeople, knights, nobility… basically anything that you think of.

Nerd 2

When I joined, I bound myself to a mistress who was a tent-maker, I learned the craft of tent making and moved my way up the ranks.
Currently…. I am a---

Eli

Nerd 1

But….

Eli

Overdramatically

I Said LEAVE!

The nerds scramble out of the store, almost forgetting to bring out their purchase- Eli and Joel restrain themselves from laughing hysterically, bursting out when the door has swung shut behind the nerds.

Joel

Oh my god, I can’t believe you did that! Did you see the little one? He looked like he was about to piss himself!

Eli

Well, that’s what they get for being so lame.

Joel

I’m not sure that we’re the best judge on what’s lame and what isn’t. I mean, you went to a party last night where you did what, got high and played Gears of War? And I’m still here, selling racquet balls to Anachra-nerds who use them in their role playing reenactment whatchamacallit, still unable to do anything meaningful with my life. I could be out there doing something useful, something fulfilling, not being a wage monkey for ‘the man’…

Eli

Dude! You’re so White you CANNOT say ‘the man’ in reference to your job. C’mon! Goddamn it, stop putting yourself down! You’re only 19 man, you’re not supposed to have your life figured out yet, and those who say that they do know what they want… they’re lying, to you or to themselves!

Joel

Bewildered and amazed at this flow of wisdom coming from Eli

And its Yoda! (Adopting a Yoda like voice) … Size Matters Not… Life Become more interesting Yours will soon HMMM?!

Eli

Shut up.

The bell rings again, and this time enters a girl- Denise

Denise

Hey Retail Bitches… sell anything interesting today?

Joel

Please don’t get me started on the idiots who come in here…

Denise

Woah woah woah… Its just an expression… You guys up for a shitty movie night this weekend? I’ve got Samurai Cop

Joel

I have to work Saturday til close, and I guess I’m available after that… god knows my comic isn’t going anywhere…

Eli

I’m in. You already call Josh?

Denise

He’s got a… does he call them dates? Or does he call them tricks?

Not waiting for an answer

He’s got plans. But my sister Nikki’s going to be there, she’s home for break.

Eli

Is your sister hot?

She slaps him upside the head

Denise

Don’t go getting your perve on with my sister… she’s not even close to your league…

Eli

Alright alright

Defensively, then changing the topic

Hey… what do Vegan Zombies want to eat?

Joel

Muttering to himself

Not again…..

Denise

Uh…. I don’t know… Tofu?

Eli

As if it’s the best thing he’s ever said
No… GRAAAAAINNNZZZZ!!!!
(Pause)

No one says anything he continues talking

Get it? Grains? … cause they don’t eat meat….

When he realizes that nobody’s laughing

Nevermind. (Mutters) Philistines.

Denise

Muttering to herself
I can’t believe I got drunk enough to sleep with him… what was I thinking?!

Joel

Overhearing this and quickly changing thing the subject

So Denise… How’s things at work? You got that new job right?

Denise

Eh, a job’s a job. Its nothing special…

Eli

Oh that’s not true, I heard from Josh that you work at Gearboxity? Is that right? I’d give my eye teeth to work there…Did you work on the new Band of Brother’s game?

Denise

Oh I wish, but no. I’m not a designer or programmer, I just, I’m not sure exactly what my job description is, but I don’t have really anything to do with the games.

Eli

Man, I wish I could be a fly on the wall of their design meetings, all that sweet sweet secret early game ness….. MMMM

Joel

Gives Eli a pointed look

Dude… now YOUR nerd is showing. Maybe you should go take care of that.

Eli

Glowers at Joel

I hate you

He leaves off SR

Denise

So you like working at Sportsworld?

Joel

Nah, it pays the bills, but really I want to write a graphic novel and get it published.

Denise

Really? I love graphic novels, I think my favorite is the Watchman, Alan Moore’s writing is amazing, and you can’t beat Dave Gibbons’ art. What’s yours about?

Joel

Its kind of fluid right now, sort of like Blade Runner, except not…

Off her bemused look

Ok, really I’ve been working on this for years and have no idea what I want to write it about. I’ve got lots of ideas, but nothing that turns into a whole story.

Denise

Well, what are some of your ideas? What are you interested in? The best way to write is to write what you know. So what is it that you know?

Joel has a thoughtful look on his face that lasts only a few minutes before he notices something off stage right

Joel

Oh shit… he didn’t!

We see what he’s talking about, Eli has returned on stage, he’s standing in a shopping cart, he’s pushing himself along at a fairly brisk speed with a hockey stick that he’s using to direct the cart (much in the way of a Venetian Gondolier)

Eli

COMING THROUGH!!!!

He crashes off the opposite side of the stage, portable shelving and sports equipment falls onstage where he went off. Eli staggers back on stage grinning widely to the audience. Denise rushes towards him, concerned. Joel just stands behind the counter shaking his head.

Denise

Oh my god! Are you alright?

Eli

Totally playing his ‘injuries’ up

HSSS… I think I’ve OW… hurt my ankle… oh yeah HSSSSS….

She helps him limp over towards the counter, he winks at Joel who sighs and buries his head in his hands. Denise is fussing over him.

Joel

AH, he’s faking it! He always does this with girls he thinks are cute. He fakes some injury and they feel all sorry for him and eventually end up sleeping with him.

Denise

Jerkwad! I can’t believe you did that!

She slaps Eli across the back of the head again and she continues muttering to herself as she leaves the store off stage left. The door chime dings again as the door opens.

Eli

Dude! The first rule of manhood! ‘Thou shalt not cockblock thy brother for thou wouldst not like him to cockblock you.’ She might have been THE ONE! Well the one again…

Joel

Yeah, she MIGHT have been the one, just like Amanda might have been the one, and Julie, and what was that girl with the pierced lady parts’s name?

Eli

Natalie. I’d forgotten about Natalie…

gets a wistful, dreamy look on his face

Joel

DUDE! Can you NOT relive your perverted hook ups in front of me? Please?!

Eli

Just cause you haven’t gotten any in … how long is it now?

Joel

Shut up. Just because I haven’t had any in a while is not a reason why I wouldn’t want to listen to you recount your sexual conquests!

Joel shoves away from the counter and heads toward SL where Eli crashed the cart and starts picking up the mess.

Eli

Something’s crawled up your asshole…. Figure it out. I’ll leave you to it.

Eli passes Joel who’s picking up boxes of tennis balls and gym socks putting them in the overturned shopping cart and leaves through the door, the chime sounding as he leaves the stage. Joel rights the shopping cart, shoves it away from him he tears off his nametag, throwing it on the counter and storming out the door after Eli. Once the stage is empty the lights fade.

The Setting:

Joel’s apartment, an large drawing table is center, there are stacks of papers everywhere, crumpled failed drawings, as well as successful completed strips which are tacked on the wall. On Stage Right is a Computer desk where Joel’s Mac and several microphones are set up, next to the table is his amp rack and his electric guitars and basses which have their own stands. Stage Left is a large comfortable yet worn couch.

At Rise:

Joel is sprawled on the couch, he looks disheveled, like he hasn’t slept well in a couple of days, on top of him is a large sketch pad and several crumpled pieces of paper. There are empty pizza boxes and takeout containers all over the floor, and copious amounts of empty energy drink cans. We hear the doorbell ring which shocks Joel awake.

Joel

Startled, just waking up

Wha? Wasn’t sleeping!

Recognizes that there’s no one there, that it’s the door that woke him-Loudly yet groggily

I’m coming! I’m coming… hang on!

Mutters to himself

This better be good, I was on a roll…

He crosses to the door Stage Left and opens it to reveal Eli, Denise, and another guy, a slightly over weight bald guy named Josh- they push past Joel and enter his apartment.

Eli

Good God Man! What have you been doing here? It smells like the inside of a gym locker that’s been left out in the sun for a couple weeks!

Joel

Well I’m sorry its not cleaner, I wasn’t exactly expecting visitors… I’ve been kinda busy.

Joel crosses back to his drawing table, seating himself behind it and chugging the contents of one of the open cans while looking frustrated at the interruption. He picks up a pencil and starts drawing again.

What’s going on?

Eli

Well since we hadn’t heard from you in weeks, we started getting worried. Well, Denise got worried, she was fretting something awful… I Told her that you were most likely ok…

Denise

I most certainly did NOT … He was the one who was all “oh no! what if joel is hurt or lying in a ditch somewhere?”

Eli

Shut up I did not.

Josh

Aww Eli…I always knew that you had a thing for Joel!
[To no one in particular] Two more recruits and I get a toaster oven…

Denise

[Ignoring Josh] Despite what these two knuckleheads would have you believe, we were actually worried since we hadn’t heard from you. Is everything alright?

Joel

Yeah, everything’s fine, I’ve just been working on my comic.

Eli

We went by Sportsworld, manager says you left without notice three weeks ago! He never even gave you your last paycheck! What’s going on man? You quit your job?!

Joel

I couldn’t keep working there. I had to get out, work on something meaningful! Sportsworld was killing me, smothering my potential…

Josh

I can see that, you wanted to take control of your life, create your own destiny…make something meaningful out of your life!!!

Eli

[To Josh]God… You’re so gay!!!!
[To Joel] But what about your responsibilities? You’re always bitching about this or that or some such… what made you change your mind?

Joel

I figured I’d give myself a chance to prove to myself that I could make my life what I want it to be… I just… couldn’t stand working at that stupid store for ever if I never tried to make something out of my life, to do what I want! If I’m going to fail at life, I’d rather fail at doing something I’m passionate about than fail at being a minimum wage racquet ball jockey!

Going Back

2009-01-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

Author unknown (Please email me if you know the source of this essay so we can give proper credit.)

Close your eyes... And go back...

Before the Internet or the AIM

Before semi automatics and weed

Before playstation2 or X-bOX

Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night...

Way back...

I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.

Red light, Green light.

Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Mother May I?

Red Rover

four square

Hula Hoops

Running through the sprinkler

Happy Meals

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car

Wait...

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons

Like Hey Arnold and Doug

Or what about legends of the hidden temple, global guts, double dare, and who, ARE YOU AFFRAID OF THE DARK!

Who could forget Snick

Or the teenage mutant ninja turtles, and Power Rangers,

Christmas morning...

Your first day of school

Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses

Climbing trees

Getting an ice cream off the ice cream truck

A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers

Jumpin' down the steps

Jumpin' on the bed

Pillow fights

Runnin' till you were out of breath

Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt and you almost peed your pants

Being tired from playin' all day

Your first crush...

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7-Up" in the classroom

Remember that?

I'm not finished yet...

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer

Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars or spokes

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school

Class Field Trips

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When getting high was swinging on the swingset

When $5 seemed like a million, and another dollar a Miracle.

When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool.

When Toys r Us overuled the "mall"

I want to go back to the time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"

Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

Being old, referred to anyone over 20.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom

Nobody was cooler than Dad

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life...

I double dog dare you

HijinksEnsue Play Snippet Part the Third

2009-01-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

The Setting:
Sportsworld, a sporting goods store, located in the southern coastal area of Texas
Characters:
Joel- a clerk at the sporting goods store who has to deal with the idiocy of the customers on a daily basis.
Eli- Joel’s best friend who’s constantly hanging out at the store, talking with Joel while he’s working, and passing judgement on the other customers
Denise- a girl Eli met at a party, the rare and elusive girl geek
Various Customers
The lights come up on Joel, a shaggy haired kid in his late teens standing behind a counter, perusing a guitar magazine
A bell rings as a door opens, and in walks Eli SL who greets Joel

Eli

Yo Loser! You missed a HELL of a party yesterday… that dude Josh was there and he had lots of … you know… inspiration. Might be just what you need to finally finish that comic you’ve been writing for what… since high school?

Joel

Eli

Dude… not another rant about how things suck in Texas…
The door opens again and a couple of nerdy type guys (mouth breather types) enter, as the bell rings, Joel like one of Pavlov’s dogs perks up and is instantly the diligent employee.

Joel

Welcome to Sportsworld, can I help you find anything today?

Nerd 1: (nasally)

Umm.. yeah… We’re looking for something like ah uh tennis balls? Those are solid aren’t they?

Joel

No, they’re not solid.
Giving Eli, who’s trying to stifle a raucous laugh, a “do you see what kind of idiots I have to deal with” look

Nerd 2

Well, we’re looking for rubber balls that are… y’know…

Joel

… Solid? (Finishing the sentence for Nerd 2)

Nerd 1

Exactly! Do you have anything like that?

Joel

We have racquet balls… I think they’re solid.

Nerd 2

Resplendent! Might we purchase a large number?
Joel Crosses SL to where the racquet balls are racked on shelves and returning behind the counter to ring up the Nerds’ order.

Joel

Do you two even PLAY racquet ball?

Nerd 1

Uh… no. We need them to put on the end of our spears and arrows.

Eli

Spears and arrows?

Nerd 2

Matter of Factly
Um… yeah!? For the SCA.
Under his breath to Nerd 1
Losers don’t know anything…

Joel

While ringing up the nerd’s purchase
What in the blazing fire of Mordor is the SCA?

Nerd 1

The Society for Creative Anachronism. The Kingdom of Ansteorra?! Any of this sounding familiar? We’re members of the Barony of the Stargate. Highly ranked actually…

Eli

Nerd 2

Nerd 1

We have people who are craftspeople, knights, nobility… basically anything that you think of.

Nerd 1

When I joined, I bound myself to a mistress who was a tent-maker, I learned the craft of tent making and moved my way up the ranks.
Currently…. I am a---

Eli

Nerd 1

But….

Eli

Joel

Oh my god, I can’t believe you did that! Did you see the little one? He looked like he was about to piss himself!

Eli

Well, that’s what they get for being so lame.

Joel

Eli

Joel

Bewildered and amazed at this flow of wisdom coming from Eli
And its Yoda! (Adopting a Yoda like voice) … Size Matters Not… Life Become more interesting Yours will soon HMMM?!

Eli

Shut up.
The bell rings again, and this time enters a girl- Denise who recognizes and greets Eli

Denise

Oh hey! Its great to see you again! … (Groping for his name)…

Eli

…Eli. Yeah, Oh! Joel, this is Denise, Denise, this is Joel. We met last night at that dude Josh’s party.
(To Denise) Hey… what do Vegan Zombies want to eat?

Joel

Muttering to himself
Not again…..

Denise

Uh…. I don’t know… Tofu?

Eli

As if it’s the best thing he’s ever said
No… GRAAAAAINNNZZZZ!!!!
(Pause)
No one says anything he continues talking
Get it? Grains? … cause they don’t eat meat….
When he realizes that nobody’s laughing
Nevermind. (Mutters) Philistines.

Denise 

Muttering to herself
So glad I didn’t hook up with him last night!

Joel

Overhearing this and quickly changing thing the subject
So Denise… what’s your story? What makes you tick?

Denise

Oh god, I’m so not interested in talking about myself. Really, I’m not all that interesting!

Eli

Oh that’s not true, I heard from Josh that you work at Gearboxity? Is that right? Did you work on the new Band of Brother’s game?

Denise

Oh I wish, but no. I’m not a designer or programmer, I just, I’m not sure exactly what my job description is, but I don’t have really anything to do with the games.

Eli

Man, I wish I could be a fly on the wall of their design meetings, all that sweet sweet secret early game ness….. MMMM

Joel

Gives Eli a pointed look
Dude… now YOUR nerd is showing. Maybe you should go take care of that.

Eli

Glowers at Joel
I hate you
He leaves off SR

Denise

So you like working at Sportsworld?

Joel

Nah, it pays the bills, but really I want to write a graphic novel and get it published.

Denise

Really? I love graphic novels, I think my favorite is the Watchman, Alan Moore’s writing is amazing, and you can’t beat Dave Gibbons’ art. What’s yours about?

Joel

Its kind of fluid right now, but its based around my friends, and its sort of like Blade Runner, except not…
Off her bemused look
Ok, really I’ve been working on this for years and have no idea what I want to write it about. I’ve got lots of ideas, but nothing that turns into a whole story.

Denise

Well, what are some of your ideas? What are you interested in? The best way to write is to write what you know. So what is it that you know?
Joel has a thoughtful look on his face that lasts only a few minutes before he notices something off stage right

Joel

Oh shit… he didn’t!
We see what he’s talking about, Eli has returned on stage, he’s standing in a shopping cart, he’s pushing himself along at a fairly brisk speed with a hockey stick that he’s using to direct the cart (much in the way of a Venetian Gondolier)

Eli

COMING THROUGH!!!!
He crashes off the opposite side of the stage, portable shelving and sports equipment falls onstage where he went off. Eli staggers back on stage grinning widely. Denise rushes towards him, concerned. Joel just stands behind the counter shaking his head.

Denise

Oh my god! Are you alright?

Eli

Totally playing his ‘injuries’ up
Oh yeah, I’m alright. I’ve had worse
She helps him limp over towards the counter, he winks at Joel who sighs and buries his head in his hands. Denise is fussing over him.

Joel

AH, he’s faking it! He always does this with girls he thinks are cute. He fakes some injury and they feel all sorry for him and eventually end up sleeping with him.

Denise

I can’t believe I fell for one of the lamest attempts at a pick up in history. I ALWAYS do this…
she continues muttering to herself as she leaves the store off stage left. The door chime dings again as the door opens.

Eli

Way to go cockblocking me dude! She might have been THE ONE!

And Boredom Ensues

2009-01-04T21:09:00.001-08:00

As I sit here watching yet again my girlfriend play SMB3, I"m reminded of why I do enjoy school despite the fact at the end of a semester and during the middle I get very frustrated and angry and ready for a break. It gives me something to do other than surfing the internet (don't get me wrong, I do enjoy me some internets, but sometimes you just want something more.)
My goal for the new year- not going to call it a resolution cause those never work: is to lose back the weight I lost, and reach my goal.
In order to do that, I need to start working out again, and definately eating better. I've cut back on just about everything I eat (excepting fruit which I'm allowing myself to eat as much as I want).
Tomorrow I venture back to campus and do some errands there.
I bought my school supplies today.
And now I realize exactly how lame I am.
With that, I'm going to go away.

HiJinksEnsue Play Snippet Part Deux

2009-01-03T14:36:00.000-08:00

The Setting:

Sportsworld, a sporting goods store, located in the southern coastal area of Texas

Characters:

Joel- a clerk at the sporting goods store who has to deal with the idiocy of the customers on a daily basis.
Eli- Joel’s best friend who’s constantly hanging out at the store, talking with Joel while he’s working, and passing judgement on the other customers
Denise- a girl Eli met at a party, the rare and elusive girl geek
Various Customers
The lights come up on Joel, a shaggy haired kid in his late teens standing behind a counter, perusing a guitar magazine
A bell rings as a door opens, and in walks Eli who greets Joel

Eli

Joel

Eli

Dude… not another rant about how things suck in Texas…

(The door opens again and a couple of nerdy type guys (mouth breather types) enter, as the bell rings, Joel like one of Pavlov’s dogs perks up and is instantly the diligent employee.)

Joel

Welcome to Sportsworld, can I help you find anything today?

Nerd 1: (nasally)

Umm.. yeah… We’re looking for something like ah uh tennis balls? Those are solid aren’t they?

Joel

No, they’re not solid.

(Giving Eli, who’s trying to stifle a raucous laugh, a “do you see what kind of idiots I have to deal with” look)

Nerd 2

Well, we’re looking for rubber balls that are… y’know…

Joel:

… Solid? (Finishing the sentence for Nerd 2)

Nerd 1:

Exactly! Do you have anything like that?

Joel:

We have racquet balls… I think they’re solid.

Nerd 2:

Resplendent! Might we purchase a large number?

(Joel Crosses SL to where the racquet balls are racked on shelves and returning behind the counter to ring up the Nerds’ order.)

Joel

Do you two even PLAY racquet ball?

Nerd 1:

Uh… no. We need them to put on the end of our spears and arrows.

Eli:

Spears and arrows?

Nerd 2:

(Matter of Factly)

Um… yeah!? For the SCA.

(Under his breath to Nerd 1)

Losers don’t know anything…

Joel:

(While ringing up the nerd’s purchase)

What in the blazing fire of Mordor is the SCA?

Nerd 1:

The Society for Creative Anachronism. The Kingdom of Ansteorra?! Any of this sounding familiar? We’re members of the Barony of the Stargate. Highly ranked actually…

Eli:

Nerd 2

The Society for Creative Anachronism, or SCA, is an organization of like-minded individuals who enjoy getting together and experiencing life as we believe it would have been in 17th Century Europe.

Nerd 1

We have people who are craftspeople, knights, nobility… basically anything that you think of.

Nerd 1

When I joined, I bound myself to a mistress who was a tent-maker, I learned the craft of tent making and moved my way up the ranks.
Currently…. I am a---

Eli

Nerd 1

But….

Eli

(Overdramatically)

I Said LEAVE!

(The nerds scramble out of the store, almost forgetting to bring out their purchase- Eli and Joel restrain themselves from laughing hysterically, bursting out when the door has swung shut behind the nerds.)

Joel

Oh my god, I can’t believe you did that! Did you see the little one? He looked like he was about to piss himself!

Eli

Well, that’s what they get for being so lame.

Joel

Eli

Joel

Bewildered and amazed at this flow of wisdom coming from Eli
And its Yoda! (Adopting a Yoda like voice) … Size Matters Not… Life Become more interesting Yours will soon HMMM?!

Eli

Shut up.
The bell rings again, and this time enters a girl- Denise who recognizes and greets Eli

Denise

Oh hey! Its great to see you again! … (Groping for his name)…

Eli

…Eli. Yeah, Oh! Joel, this is Denise, Denise, this is Joel. We met last night at that dude Josh’s party.
(To Denise) Hey… what do Vegan Zombies want to eat?

Joel

(Muttering to himself)
Not again…..

Denise

Uh…. I don’t know… Tofu?

Eli

(As if it’s the best thing he’s ever said)
No… GRAAAAAINNNZZZZ!!!!
(Pause)
No one says anything he continues talking
Get it? Grains? … cause they don’t eat meat….
When he realizes that nobody’s laughing
Nevermind. (Mutters) Philistines.

Denise

(Muttering to herself)
So glad I didn’t hook up with him last night!

Joel

(Overhearing this and quickly changing thing the subject)
So Denise… what’s your story? What makes you tick?

Denise

Oh god, I’m so not interested in talking about myself. Really, I’m not all that interesting!

Eli

Oh that’s not true, I heard from Josh that you work at Gearboxity? Is that right? Did you work on the new Band of Brother’s game?

Denise

Oh I wish, but no. I’m not a designer or programmer, I just, I’m not sure exactly what my job description is, but I don’t have really anything to do with the game... design-ness (waving hands around, searching for words).

What is the world coming to?

2008-12-24T20:59:00.000-08:00

So I found this dude's posting about an apartment he's wanting to lease in Vancouver, and bitching about why does it always get taken down? http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/rnr/964514051.html

This guy wonders why his posts keep getting deleted? Its nothing about his religion, its because he's an unethical landlord! You can't do all that shit he's saying he wants to do- you can't regulate who your tenent brings in to his/her apartment- when they pay rent it becomes their property and you (as landlord) cannot enter unannounced except in really rare instances like if they think there's something seriously wrong like a fire or something like that. And the fines he wants to instill on people for doing something like bringing a water bottle into the exercise yard (which he controls when you can use it?) that's insane.
I have so many problems with this guy's post, not even considering he's a born again christian who interprets the bible literally...Its like paying to live in prison!!

The Play's the Thing

2008-12-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

So I've been working on my Hijinksensue play a lot since I've been done with school (as of Friday at midnight when I got done with my Literary Criticism Paper and got home from the Party- lots of wine + english majors= A LOT of talking and a LONG party).
I want to get it a bit more polished and a lot more done before Christmas, I might take my laptop to South Carolina, but I don't know how much writing I might get done while I'm there. It's at 6 pages right now, and while I've based the idea and the characters off of the people from www.hijinksensue.com Its starting to become my own thing.
Right now I am drinking some wine from Francis Ford Coppola's vineyard (very good by the way), listening to one of Amy's podcasts while she is playing Super Mario Bros 3, and I am not only writing my play, but reading plays that were submitted for the Surfacing Emerging Playwrights Festival. (I'm on the reading Committee and we meet when we get back from break to pick the plays).
A selection of titles from this years submissions:
A Modern Seduction (a play written entirely in chatspeak)
Don't Look Back (a twist on the Orpheus & Eurydice story)
Little Whores and Playgirls
Portrait of the Asshole as a Young Man
Poster World
The Sexual Misadventure of 64 Squares

Ok. I've got stuff to work on. I'll catch you all later.

Beer Splosion!

2008-12-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

So I've had SEVERAL beerages splode on me today (as well as one mochage [a mocha])
The Mochasplosion occurred at the grocery store- our local store has just recently opened a Kaldi's coffee inside, and I thought I would partake and try their mocha. All was well, I did my shopping, but as I was walking to my car, my mocha esploded all over my cart and all over me. I get to the car, put my stuff inside, and then while driving home, my mocha once again sploded all over me. So I took that as a sign that I was not meant to drink that coffee, and perhaps even not drink Kaldi's coffee so I got rid of it. But then after I got inside and unpacked the stuff from the store, I knocked over a pint glass that my girlfriend left on the end table full of flat beer. It got all over the floor, all over my shirt, the wall, basically anywhere the beer could have gone, it did. I get it cleaned up, and when I thought I was done, I found MORE beer on the floor and no reasonable explanation for how it got there seeing as it was no where near where the original spill site was located. (Still a mystery).
Later this evening, I was pouring my girlfriend a Guiness, and when I go to open the can, it too esploded all over me.
I guess today was just the 'lets esplode all over Sarah' day for any beverage I came into contact with .

2008 Meme

2008-12-15T15:44:00.001-08:00

1. Where did you begin 2008?
I was.... I dunno. Nothing spectacular. I think we were here in StL, but I don't think we did anything. Honestly I can't remember, so nothing that was special or stuck out.

2. What was your status by Valentines Day?
Same as the past 3 valentines days- With my then girlfriend, now fiancee... We don't do valentines day, but I'm sure we cuddled on the couch and watched a movie or something.

3. Were you in school anytime this year?
Yep, Still am in fact.

4. Did you have to go to the hospital?
Nope.

5. Did you have any encounters with the police?
Only when Mark taught at Krav (since he's a cop). And when I had my accident.

6. Where did you go on vacation?
New Mexico for a week in January, South Carolina for a week In July/August, New Mexico for a week in August.

7. What did you purchase that was over £100?
Rent, a new Ipod w/ bday money, Amy's engagement ring

8. Did you know anybody who got married?
My uncle Jon and his new wife Theresa, we went to the wedding in Boise in June.

9. Did you know anybody who passed away?
Nope

10. Did you move anywhere?
Nope.

11. What sporting events did you attend?
None
12. What concerts/shows did you go to?
Gaelic Storm- Once at the Duck Room in July, Twice at the KC Irish Festival in September

13. Your birthday?
Just a couple days ago, Dec. 12. I had my last day of class, went out for Ethiopian food for dinner, saw a movie that had potential to be good (Rachel Getting Married) but turned out to be a way downer movie. I got a barbeque basket thing for my (read Amy's) grill, and a laptop sleeve from my parents, and a Harry Potter tee shirt from Amy (the one w/ the Hogwarts seal and the motto: Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillamus.)
14. What is the ONE thing you thought you would not do, but did, in 2008?
Get engaged.

15. What have been your favourite moments?
Getting engaged, seeing Gaelic Storm 3 times... stuff like that.

16. Any new additions to your family?
Nope

17. What was your best month?
Sept. 2x Gaelic Storm

18. Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Amy, although we've gone to the bar w/ Scott and Sarah a couple times, and while Scott is a complete lightweight, they've been fun.

19. Made new friends?
Scott and Sarah

20. Favourite Night out?
Probably A couple weeks ago when we went to the bar then back to Scott and Sarahs

21. Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Pearson House basement

22. Have you lost any friends this year?
Nope
23. Change your hairstyle?
its growing out

24. Have any car accidents?
yeah, back in March some asshole ran into the back of my car when I was stopped at the stoplight

25. How old did you turn this year?
22
26. Do you have a New Years resolution?
NOpe

27. Do anything embarrassing?

Not more than usual

28. Buy anything from eBay?
Nope

29. Get married or divorced?
Engaged!

30. Get hit on?
Only by my girlfriend/fiancee

31. Been snowboarding?
Nope

32. Did you get sick this year?
Couple colds

33. Are you happy to see 2008 go?
Eh.

34. Been naughty or nice?
Both

35. What are you looking forward to most in 2009?
Grad School, moving on with my life

2008-12-14T20:39:00.000-08:00

So, studying for finals isn't going too well. Luckily my final for tomorrow (Myth and Classic Literature) shouldn't be too bad. I'll hopefully get more done for my 20th Century poetry final on Tuesday after the final tomorrow.
I have GOT to work on my Joyce paper! I need to send my professor a rough draft ASAP. The final is due Friday, and she wants to see a rough draft before that.
My cartiledge piercing hurts kinda bad. I took some tylenol, and I've cleaned it thoroughly. Hopefully it'll be alright. It is new, so there should be some discomfort.
I shouldn't have taken that four hour nap this afternoon, cause it's almost 11 and I'm not sleepy. I have to get up earlyish for my final.

HijinksEnsue Play Snippet

2008-12-11T18:52:00.001-08:00

So... I TOTALLY haven't updated recently at all. Sorry for that.
Things are SUPER UBER busy here, I'm getting Grad School applications in right now, two down, (six I think?) to go.
Tomorrow's my 22nd birthday
Next week is finals week.
I'm writing a play based on the www.hijinksensue.com podcasts...
Here's an excerpt from it for your perusal.

The Setting:
Sportsworld, a sporting goods store, located in the southern coastal area of Texas
Characters:
Joel- a clerk at the sporting goods store who has to deal with the idiocy of the customers on a daily basis.
Eli- Joel’s best friend, a stoner who’s constantly hanging out at the store, talking with Joel while he’s working, and passing judgement on the other customers
Various Customers
The lights come up on Joel, a shaggy haired kid in his late teens standing behind a counter, perusing a tech manual on computers
A bell rings as a door opens, and in walks Eli who greets Joel

Eli
Yo Loser! You missed a HELL of a party yesterday… that dude Josh was there and he had lots of … you know… inspiration. Might be just what you need to finally finish that comic you’ve been writing for what… since high school?
Joel
While I appreciate your attempts to (with finger quotes) “encourage” me to finish my GRAPHIC novel… I don’t think weed from some dude you just met at some party is the answer. I just… (Sighs) I dunno… I just need something to happen to me, something new … something less stupid and … Texan.

Eli
Dude… not another rant about how things suck in Texas…
The door opens again and a couple of nerdy type guys (mouth breather types) enter, as the bell rings, Joel like one of Pavlov’s dogs perks up and is instantly the diligent employee.
Joel
Welcome to Sportsworld, can I help you find anything today?
Nerd 1: (nasally)
Umm.. yeah… We’re looking for something like ah uh tennis balls? Those are solid aren’t they?
Joel
No, they’re not solid. (Giving Eli, who’s trying to stifle a raucous laugh, a “do you see what kind of idiots I have to deal with” look)
Nerd 2
Well, we’re looking for rubber balls that are… y’know…
Joel:
… Solid? (Finishing the sentence for Nerd 2)
Nerd 1:
Exactly! Do you have anything like that?
Joel:
We have racquet balls… I think they’re solid.
Nerd 2:
Resplendent! Might we purchase a large number?
Joel:
Do you two even PLAY racquet ball?

Nerd 1:
Uh… no. We need them to put on the end of our spears and arrows.
Eli:
Spears and arrows?
Nerd 2:
(Matter of Factly)
Um… yeah!? For the SCA.
(Under his breath to Nerd 1)
Losers don’t know anything…
Joel:
(While ringing up the nerd’s purchase)
What in the blazing fire of Mordor is the SCA?
Nerd 1:
The Society for Creative Anachronism. The Kingdom of Ansteorra?! Any of this sounding familiar? We’re members of the Barony of the Stargate. Highly ranked actually…
Eli:
Ok, I’m going to stop you there… those things coming out of your mouth? I believe that they MIGHT be words, but they’re not words that make any sense to us normal people… so can you nerdlings get out your dork to human dictionary and tell us in REAL PEOPLE words what you mean?
Nerd 2
The Society for Creative Anachronism, or SCA, is an organization of like-minded individuals who enjoy getting together and experiencing life as we believe it would have been in 17th Century Europe.
Nerd 1
We have people who are craftspeople, knights, nobility… basically anything that you think of.

2008-04-26T06:18:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile, I know.
School's almost out, two weeks to go til Finals are over.

My To Do List (Since that's all I've been posting recently anyways)

Tuesday 4/29
Final Play Due
Wednesday 4/30
Shakespeare Scene
Tuesday 5/6
Tragic Themes Paper Due
Play Review for Playwriting
Playwriting Final
Tragic Themes Final
Wednesday 5/7
Shakespeare Final
History of Medieval England Final
Thursday 5/8
Comedy and Satire Final
Friday 5/9
English Departmental End of Year Party

2008-01-16T06:33:00.001-08:00

86% Barack Obama
83% Mike Gravel
83% Dennis Kucinich
83% John Edwards
82% Chris Dodd
80% Joe Biden
80% Bill Richardson
78% Hillary Clinton
45% Rudy Giuliani
37% John McCain
29% Mike Huckabee
29% Mitt Romney
25% Ron Paul
20% Tom Tancredo
20% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

New Toy!

2008-01-14T07:24:00.000-08:00

So after 5 years of having a livejournal and posting exclusively there, I've decided to expand into a blog as well. I don't know how different they will be, at least at first I assume they'll be pretty similar except when I want to post more private things, then I'll use my LJ as it has a screening function. But anyhoo....
For those new to me and my life here's a quick recap:
21, College Student living with my girlfriend of nearly two years (Two years Feb. 1)
English Major emphasis Drama- want to end up teaching highschool english at a private school.
My dad is at Seminary in Virginia, (To become an Episcopal priest fulltime)
My mom is a Family Practice Doctor who also teaches at a Residency Program.
My little sister is about to graduate from Highschool and is looking to go to school for science or math of some sort, possibly at a school close to my apartment, though that is unknown at this point.
Tv Shows I like: Battlestar Galactica, The Dresden Files, The L Word, Law and Order (all flavors), Project Runway, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and Brothers' and Sisters

Authors I Like: Phillip Roth, Michael Chabon, Vikram Chandra, Milan Kundera, Frank Herbert, Kurt Vonnegut ... to name a few.
Playwrites I enjoy: Tom Stoppard, Luigi Pirandello, The Bard (Of Course), and others....
My favorite band is Gaelic Storm, has been since my freshman year of highschool, so seven years and counting now. I've seen them perform twice, both times at the Kansas City Irish Festival, but I am hoping to get to see them again this year.
I have two cats, George is a long hair white and brown kitten who just turned 11 months, and Socks is a short hair calico with orange, black and white fur. Both are extremely cute and love to cuddle.
I hope that's enough of an introduction to me.
Thats it for now.
Laters.